Out of Darkness into "Sunshine"

I am righting this to reflect back on what my life has been like for the past 6 months and to not forget that by Grace of God how I have come out of Darkness back into Sunshine.

About six months ago somehow my life crept into a slow darkness. A void came into my life. No reason for why this happened. There had been no tragedies in my life. I was a healthy 30 year old wife and mother of two absolutely wonderful kids. I had a good job, a new house, wonderful husband, family, and most of all I was a child of God. Why did this happen I to me? I do not know. Nothing seemed to give me fulfillment or joy in my life. I don’t think anybody who knows me even knew what I was going through and even as I look back I did not realize what was happening to me.

I don’t know if I just got wrapped up in the stress of everyday life, being a mom, a wife, holding down a job, trying to do everything right. It seems like everyday I was struggling to keep going. I turned into somebody I did not want to be. Although, I kept on going on day by day, doing the everyday rituals, going to work, church, taking care of my kids and household chores but spiritually I was withdrawn.

I knew I was somewhat depressed, but I would just tell myself I would come out of it soon, there is nothing to be depressed about. However, during that time I sort of became dormant. I no longer enjoyed anything. I still kept on doing things and some days I would feel fine but many days I did not have the desire to do anything or be around anybody. I could not concentrate at work. Simple things became an overwhelming task for me. I became agitated easily. It just seemed like the whole world was coming down on me but I knew I had to keep on going because I had two precious kids that needed a mom to take care of them. That is the one thing that kept me going in the most darkening days.

I could hardly even pray to God for help. This was really hard for me. I knew I was a child of God but spiritually I was no longer connected to God. I wanted to pray and I knew he was the only one that could help me come out the darkness,but when I did pray I just felt lost.

I dreaded getting up in the morning, once I was at work I just wanted for the day to be over so I could leave. But, I didn’t want to go home. I just really wanted to go hide somewhere far away from everyone and everything. Once, I did get home from work all wanted was for it time to be to go to bed, so I could forget everything. I hated myself for being this way! I was not the mother, wife, and Christian I so desired to be. I felt like my life was purposeless. Why am I living I would ask? What is my purpose here in life?

Finally, around end of February or first of March. I decided I can’t live like this anymore. My children needed a better mother, my husband a better wife and I needed most of all, God back in my life so I could be a better witness to those around me. What I hated most is not being able to feel God by my side anymore. I knew he was there and that he would never forsake me, but yet
I wondered why I am going through this, has God forgotten me! I would think how can I be a witness for God, being in the depressed state I was in, especially to those who are lost and do not know him as their personal savior like I did. I felt like I was disappointing God most of all for being like this.

For, the most part I am a very private person and I never really even talked about what I was going through to anybody not even with my husband. I eventually decided to go to the doctor to get help. I dreaded going so bad. It was so hard to go being that I in my mind I had no reason to be so depressed. Although, I have a father that is Bipolar and have seen him go through ups and downs all my life and I know that sometimes you have to be treated with medicine like with any other chronic illness such as diabetes, cancer, and many others. The doctor gave me some medicine to take for my depression. I was relieved that I finally did get the courage to go to the doctor, but at the same time I was so afraid it wouldn’t help, because I was already taking some
medicine that was supposed to help with tension headaches and depression and it was not working. Also, having a father diagnosed as being Bipolar and seeing how hard it has been in his life to deal with depression just scared me.

I started taking the medicine in hope that I would soon get better. However, a day or two after I prayed to God for his healing and to please help me get better so I could live for him again and asked him help me whether it be by taking medicine or whatever way he seen fit for me to be healed. I didn’t know if God heard my prayer, being I hadn’t even been praying for the past few months. Why would he listen to me now I thought? Little, did I know he heard my prayer and two weeks later I came out of darkness and back into Sunshine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A week later after taking the medicine I ended up having an allergic relation to medicine I was taking for the depression. I was in the hospital for three days. I had fever, tachycardia, and an unbelievable burning rash all over my body from head to toes. The doctor stopped all my medication and treated me for the reaction to the medicine. I soon got better and got to go home
from the hospital on my son’s 2 year birthday. Each day I got tremendously better not only from the side effects of the medication but also mentally. I am know longer depressed and
and spiritually am I am closer to God than I have ever been before in my life. I can pray, I enjoy life and all the simple things that life has to offer.


I know without the prayers of others and God,my healing would have not been possible. I pray that I never go through this again, but going through this has made realize how precious life is. It has made me stronger physically, mentally, and spiritually. I hope I never forget what I went through, so I can remember that the Lord is always there for me and will never forsake me. Life will never be easy living here in this world. There will be ups and downs and now when I am down to nothing…. I know God is up to something and “I can do all things through Christ which strengthen me” Philippians 4:13.

I’m ending this with the words of one of greatest songs I know
and love!

Four Days Late

You might be fighting a battle of fear
You’ve cried to the Lord I need You now
But he is not appeared

Friend don’t be discourage
Cause He’s still the same
He’ll soon be here, He’ll roll back the stone
And He’ll call out your name

When He’s four days late and all hope is gone
Lord we don’t understand why You’ve waited so long
Oh but His way is God’s way,not yours or mine
And isn’t great when He’s four days late, He’s still on time
Oh my God is great when He’s four days late, He’s still on time